1. Take up an entire table with your trendy Macbook, scone and delicious latte. Sharing is overrated.
2. Go for a two-hour walk along the edge of Manhattan prior to arriving at the coffee shop. Get your heart rate up and work up a sweat – burn calories to earn your latte! Do not change clothes.
3. [...]
Entries from October 2008
October 18, 2008
10 Steps to Guarantee Dirty, Nasty Glares of Disapproval from Fellow Saturday Afternoon Coffee Shop Patrons
October 13, 2008
A few months’ notice
I’m no good at being a waitress. There, I admitted it. I don’t care if your food gets to you on time, I don’t care if you like your meal, and I don’t want to chit chat about what my favorite dish is, or gush about my recent celebrity sightings. I do try, but because [...]
October 4, 2008
I’m only going if it’s first class
A helicopter is circling above my apartment making quite a commotion, most likely looking for a thief or a really successful hooker. If, by some small chance, it’s hovering in an attempt to kidnap me, I’d just like to make a public request for lots of cocktails (fine wine or fruity martinis) and a multitude [...]
October 2, 2008
Moron on the rocks
I was idling by the entrance of the Pit of Despair awaiting my next table and absentmindedly cracking my neck when a redneck accompanied by a gaggle of his sisters/girlfriends leaned towards me and said, “Be careful not to hurt yourself!” He then chuckled in appreciation of his own joke. I faked a probably not [...]
October 1, 2008
Overheard by Tink
Crackhead on the street, in between violent face scratching: “Work that ugly skidmark butt!”
I look around, meet his dry-eyed glare.
Crackhead: “Yeah, you! Ugly skidmark butt!”
That’s true. If one of the two of us has an ugly skidmark butt, Mr. Crackhead, it’s me.